Friday, July 30, 2010

60 more days ...

I am packing up & heading home tomorrow. There might be a small possibility that my parents might sleep for a week straight after me & the kids leave. The 972 questions Eythen asked, 639 games Breeanna requested someone to play, & 328 My Little Pony's Harleigh left on the floor over the past 6 days was enough to wear even the US army out.

Although Eythen claims he is staying for 60 more days to help drive the tractors.  I think you created a farming monster Papa Gene.  Cowboy boots and all ...

zzzzz ... *snore* ... zzzzz ... NOPE! WIDE AWAKE!!!

I would really like to be sound asleep right now.  Trust me!  Sleeping instead of blogging is much more important to me.  It really is!  I promise!  I would love to be snuggled up under the covers ... with my head laying on my fluffy pillow ... dreaming about dreaming right now.  BUT ... I'm not.  Nope.  Negative.  No can do.  It is 1:00 am ... and I have to many things running through my head ... and they are things that I have no control over ... which makes it that much worse.

I think I either need a vacation away from reality ... or I am gonna need to be heavily medicated in the near future.  Either way ... it is a win win situation for me.

So ... here are some thoughts, ideas, crazy things and a little bit of this and that.

We have ice cream trucks for the kids ... why don't we have frozen margarita trucks for the adults?

Immature ... a word boring people use to descrtibe fun people.

What happens in Vegas ... stays in Vegas.  What happens in Erie ... sh*t you already heard?!?!?!

When life gives you lemons ... make lemonade ... and add vodaka ... and throw a party!!!

When life hands you lemons you make ... You ... WAIT!  WAIT!  WAIT!  Why in the world would life give me lemons???

Talking to yourself.  Then telling yourself you really need to stop talking to yourself.  (Mom ... this one was for you.  *wink*)

Nothing better than that feeling you get ... when you just can't seem to stop smiling.

Life is like a box of chocolates ... you never know what you are gonna get.

Roses are red.  Violet's are blue.  I have 5 fingers ... and the middle one sticking up is directed towards you.

Meeting Clint was fate ... becoming friends was a choice ... but falling in love with my him was out of my control.

When I am home alone with the kids ... I hear noises ... and assume someone is breaking in ... or there is a ghost hauting me.  Either way ... I freak out.

They came to me one night, explored my body, sucked and swallowed.  When they were satisified ... they left ... and I was hurt.  FREAKING MOSQUITOS.

Girls are like phones.  We like to be held and talked to.  But when you press the wrong button ... you will be disconnected.

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did and who always will.  So don't worry about the people from your past, because there is a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

Ever notice what is hidden in the word ... she believed???  Look again ... s[he] be[lie]ve[d].  Mmmmm ... makes you think.

I think some of my past "knight in shining armors" were actually idiots in tin foil.

I miss kindergarten ... when the biggest worry was what you were gonna have for snack time.

I wanna be a billionaire ... so freaking bad ...

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

*yawn* another night I can't sleep ...

Another night that I can not sleep ... means another blog for you to enjoy.

*yawn*

If we are not meant to have late night snacks ... then why is there a light in the frig?

Sometimes I am so good at cooking ... even the smoke alarm is cheering me on.

I hate it when I hit my hip in the counter ... and it feels like I just got shot.

*Drop something* ... *pick it up* ... *drop something again* ... what the f*ck!!!

My level of maturity changes ... depending on whom I am with.

OH the things I would do ... if I was invisible for just one hour.

I sometimes wish my memories came with ''√ Save'', ''οΎ’ Delete'' and ''► Play'' buttons.

Here is what happens when I finally cave in and watch a scarey movie with Clint:
Begin on my side of the couch ... end on his side of the couch ...
*flash forward several hours later*
"I have to go to the bathroom ... walk with me?"

Where is it?  Seriously where is it?  I just had it in my hand!  Oh wait ... there it is ... in my hand.

Sitting in a movie theater ... saying "I wanna see that!" ... on nearly every movie trailer.

When I read a book ... I make the whole story a movie in my head.

I hate it when my seat belt locks ... and I suddenly can not move.

I have said this many times before:
I hate it when I can not get my hand into the tube of deliciousness.  AKA: Pringles can

I have to admit ... I get "repissed" when I flash back to something that ticked me off prior.

I hate it when I am telling a story and no one laughs.  I promise it was funny when it happened!

Dark night + heavy rain + coldness + warm blanket = perfect night sleep

Nothing in the frig?  Nope.  Freezer?  Nope. Cabinets?  Nope.  Time to check the frig again.

Anyone who said love was easy ... was obviously never fell in love and in a real relationship.

There is no pain ... like the pain of stepping on a lego!

It really annoys me when people think they truely know how I feel and what is going on in my life ... just by reading my status updates on facebook.  I call that facebook stalking personally. 

Dropping something ... and then catching it in mid-air ... makes me feel like a ninja.

I hate it when I get distracted when I am cleaning the house ... darn Lifetime TV.

I like to count out random numbers ... when someone else is concentrating on counting.

Love it when my kids knock something over ... instantly scream "It wasn't me" ... when I totally saw them.

That's fine Mr. Wind ... mess up my hair ... I did not plan on looking good today anyways.

No matter how hot it is ... I can not sleep without a little bit of blanket on me.

I can not let my feet dangle off the bed at night ... because there might be a monster waiting to nibble on them.

When I shut off the lights downstairs ... I run as fast as I can up the stairs.  You never know ... there might be a boogie man behind me.

We I was little ... I sang ... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMNO, P.

Be thankful for what you have ... because it could be taken away tomorrow.

Please do not think that you are better than me ... because you are not.  Just an FYI.

What I have learned from my children ...

Once you pop that baby out in the hospital ... they just turn you loose with that itty bitty precious thing.  You do not have to take a test.  You do not have to raise your right hand and repeat anything.  You do not get a book, phamphlet or even the cliff notes on how to be a parent.  You just suddenly have to fly by the seat of your pants ... and wing it. 

Forget the Parenting Books. Throw them out the window. They are no help. Trust me! I speak from experience.  I bought them all, checked them out from the local libray and googled anything and everything possible on how to be a good Mommy. 

Shoot ... I do not wanna be the reason my little ones are in therapy in future years.  That is alot of pressure!  *gulp*  Can you imagine one of my children laying on the couch one day talking to a therapist ... suddenly realizing that their Mom or Dad screwed them up.  We did not buy them a toy at Target one day and it threw their whole world out of balance.  Or the one time that we were late for a soccer game and it has given them anxiety ever since.  How about the time that we gave them cookies and milk for dinner and they have never looked at food the same again.  *sigh*

I have been a Mommy for 9 years now. It has been the best time of my life ... the hardest ... the funniest ... the sadest ... and the most educational ... scariest ... most rewarding ... thing that I could ever imagined doing in my life.  By all means I am not the perfect parent ... BY FAR!  Not even close!  But ... I try my best and do my best and attempt my best ... so they can be their best.   

This blog ... it will teach you more than any book, phamplet, cliff note or google search will ever attempt to teach you.

1.  There is no such thing as childproofing your house.


2.  A 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.


3.  A 5 year old standing ontop of the bunkbed with a SuperMan costume on ... is never a good idea.


4.  When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.


5.  A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.


6.  The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.


7.  When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'Uh-oh,' it's already too late.


8.  A 4-year old can take apart and put together a Transformer faster than a 32 year old man.
9.  Legos can get picked up in a vacuum.

10. A new vacuum will need to be purchased once you try to sweep up legos.


11. 'Play Dough' and 'microwave' should never be used in the same sentence.


12. Small pets and microwaves are a bad combination.


13. Tarzan can teach us many things we don't want to know.


14. Crayons do not remain solid when stored on a car's dashboard on a hot summer day.


15. No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.


16. Pool filters do not like Jello-O.


17. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.


18. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.


19. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.


20. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.


21. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.


22. Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato.


23. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.


24. Never leave a toddler and a box of crayons alone in a room.


25. Never leave a toddler and a box of donuts alone in a room.


26. No matter how many times you ask ... you can not tie your little brother to a chair.


27. You can't hide apple slices in a glass of milk.


28. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches, although TV commercials show they do.


29. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.


30. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.  


31. Plastic toys do not like ovens.  


32. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make grasshoppers dizzy.


33. It will, however, make cats dizzy.


34. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.


35. Don't flush the toilet when you dad's in the shower.


36. Never dare your little brother to paint himself with a Sharpie marker.


37. Never leave your purse around a toddler ... who has access to a pen ... and thinks your checkbook is a coloring book.


38. Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do.


39. Never spit when on a roller coaster.


40. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.


41. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.


42. Never tell your mom her diet's not working.


43. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.  


44. Never ask for anything that costs more than ten dollars when your parents are paying the monthly bills. 


45. Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning.


46. When you want something expensive, ask your Grammy and Papa.


47. Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching.


48. You should never take a goldfish for a walk; even on a leash.  


49. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life.
50. The best place to be when you are sad is in Grammy's lap.

P.S.  Clinton ... I can not imagine going through the "parenting world" with anyone but you!  We may be out numbered and exhausted at times ... which might lead to one too many glasses of wine or cans of beer at times ... but I think we just might have this parenting thing down.  Maybe.  That could all change by tomorrow when one of them decides to throw us a curve ball.  You never know.  You just never know.

Friday ...

Aliens are coming to Earth on Friday and their mission is to abduct all the good looking and sexy people.


Don't worry ... you will be safe.

Me ... I am blogging to say goodbye.

freaking airconditioner ...

Holy electric bill batman!

The darn bill DOUBLED since last month! YES!  You read right!  DOUBLED!

Geeze!

If Fall does not hurry up and get here soon ... I might have to consider selling a child on ebay to help pay for the air conditioner that runs all the freaking time.

I am from a small town ...

Here is a little background on Clint and I ...

I come from a small town.

Clint does not.

4 years ago on July 29th ... Clint and I packed up our family left "the big city" of Emporia ... and move to Eudora.  Eudora was just what I always imagined raising my family in.  Nice small town! 

Although ... this "small town" was a whole new world for Clint.  And it honestly took him awhile to get adjusted to it. 

I think his first real "small town encounter" was when we "sold" our house and the people backed out of it the day before we were suspose to close ... suddenly everyone knew about it.  Clint had a complete stranger ask him about it at the gas station, in the grocery store and someone walked up our drive way and ask him about it ... and he had no clue who any of these people were.   

It got me thinking of how some people have no idea what living in a small town is really like.  So I thought I would let you "city folk" know what you are missing out on.  To all my "small town" peeps ... sit back and enjoy a few laughs. 

You were in 4-H or FFA.


You know what 4-H or FFA is.

You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour.


You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting.

School gets canceled for state events.


If you've ever pulled up in the school parking lot with the trailer still hooked onto the back of your truck.
If you can get anywhere in town within 10 minutes.

Your teachers calls you by your older siblings names.


Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.


You were ever in the Homecoming parade.


You have gone back home for Homecoming.


It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.


You can't help but date a friend's ex-girlfriend/boyfriend.
You had senior skip day.


Teachers didn't plan any quizzes or tests on Senior Skip Day.

It's normal for kids to be absent from school on opening day of hunting season.

You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road.


You can name everyone you graduated with.


The whole school went to the same party after graduation.


You used to drag "main" on the weekends.

If the cool hang out spots consist of places like Bruster Bean Town Burgers of Paradise Pizza.


You went mudding.


You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.


It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawnmower.


You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride.


You don't give directions by street names ... it is more like ... turn left at Smith's house and go till you see the firestation and it is on your left hand side.


You do not have a stop light in your town.

The golf course had only 9 holes.


Getting paid minimum wage is considered a raise.


You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the "rich people"


On Fridays, anyone you want to find can be found at Main Street or the local restaurant.


Even the ugly people enter beauty pageants.


You can charge at all the local stores.


The closest McDonald's is 45 miles away.


So is the closest mall.


Weekend excitement involves a trip to a Wal-Mart.

If you go to Wal-Mart and run into at least 7 different people you know



If you start a rumor about someone, the entire school knows about it the next day.



If you dont carry a house key with you because you dont ever lock your doors.
 
If you've ever called the wrong number and they give you the one you wanted



If you leave your keys in the cup holder of your car so you always know where they are and dont want to carry them around with you.



If you've ever been in a traffic jam behind a tractor.

If you can walk from one end of your school to the other in less than 3 minutes.

If you know the first names of all the teachers in the school AND where they live.

You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't.

You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were ... and if you were old enough they'd tell your parents anyhow.

When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out to the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.

Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.

The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty"... but is actually just like your town.

You ever went to a party that was held about 20 miles down a deserted dirt road.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Kansas Girls ...

Tough girls come from New York.

Sweet girls come from Alabama.

But I am a proud KANSAS gal!  Which means I have fire and ice in my blood!  I can ride a fourwheeler, be a princess, throw a left hook, and drink with the boys. 

OH!  And most importantly ... if I have an opinion, you know you're gonna hear it.

Here's to all the Kansas Gals that know this is oh so true!!!

Random thoughts when I can't sleep at it is 4:00 am ...

I sneek food into the movie theater.  $4 for a small bag of M & M's ... my a** am I paying that.

I love it when I wake up in the middle of the night and realize I have more time to sleep.

An "ex" is called an "ex" because it is an EXample of whom you should avoid in the future.

Yes I love you.  Yes I would walk to the end of the world and back for you.  Yes I did just take a bite of your sandwich when you were not looking.

I can only imagine what my face looks like when I drop my cellphone ... and I attempt to catch it.

When I worked at Bank of America ... I may have looked calm when a customer was pissing me off.  But in my head ... I had bitch slapped them 3 times already.

Is not sure what goes through my husband head when he tells me that he will take care of it tomorrow ... but never does it.  Hmmm????

Why is it when I am in a restaurant ... and Clint and I are getting up to leave ... I have to take one more sip of my water before walking away from the table?

This is how Clint has a conversation with me 75% of the time:
Uh huh ... Uh huh ... Uh huh ... *still looking at the tv* ... Ok ... Yeah ... *not paying attention* ... Alright ...

I might as well count on the factor ... that if I ask one of the kids to hold my drink for a second ... they are gonna take a drink of it.

I will stop the microwave with 1 second left ... just to beat the timer.

I seem to create situations in my head ... that will never happen in real life.

I hate laying down at night ... and then I start to think about everything.

The 7 minutes of sleep after I hit my snooze button ... is some of the best sleep I have ever gotten.

Clint will carry 20 grocery bags at once ... just to avoid going back outside to get another load.

If I say ... "It's ok" ... "Don't worry about it" ... "I am fine" - Clint already knows that it is not ok ... he should worry about it ... and I am not fine.

When I forget to charge my cellphone and go to use it and it is dead ... inside my head I am screaming NNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Clint and I are always screaming at the TV when a KU basketball game is on.  It is not like we are coaching them via satellite and they can actually hear us.

The saying, "There are plenty of fish in the sea" kind of is no longer true anymore.  Now there is just oil.

Clint is someone who can see the pain in my eyes ... when everyone else believes the fake smile on my face.

Jokes are way funnier in my head at times.

I love it when Clint kisse me at a red light.  

When I was little, saying, "I am gonna tell Mom." was the biggest come back ever.

There is a huge difference in waking up at 5:55 a.m. and 6:00 a.m. when your alarm is about to go off.

Yes I have made mistakes in life ... but I have yet to find the instruction manual.

Some people would be in great shape if they ran the same way they ran their mouth.

I hate that awkard moment when a fellow parent is yelling at their kid ... and I am just sitting there waiting for our conversation to pick right back up where we left off.

Some of the best memories I have ... are those nights that you wish would never end.

When you are in elementary school ... being the leader is a big deal!

On the show, Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader ... I don't know about you ... I do not have a clue on some of that stuff.

Why do people cheat?  If you are not happy ... just leave.

If there are no stars out in the sky ... some nights I pretend like the airplanes are shooting stars. 

Some girls need to realize that sex is not gonna make him love you and a baby is not gonna make him stay.

Fake hair ... fake nails ... fake tan ... fake boobs.  Sometimes I wonder if some girls were made in China.

Oh I am sorry!  I thought you meant what you promised.  Silly me.  I am sorry.

If karma does not knock some people out ... I will knock them out really soon.

I hate it when Clint and I have been in an argument ... and we go to talk ... but we just sit there in silence. 

I heart hot chocolate.

Nothing better than being in a pair of sweatpants, hair pulled back with no makup on ... just laying around for a whole day with no where to do and nothing to do.

Plan B is normally the best way to go.

Everything happens for a reason.

I heart long hot showers.

Just because men have one ... does not mean they have to act like one.

Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak.  Sometimes it just means you are strong enough to let go.

Never say never.

I truely love my life.

Skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.  

I hate that awakard eye contact with the people next to you as you are sitting at a red light.

When I was 12 I was still loosing my teeth ... not my virginity.  Some kids are growing up WAY to fast now a days.

That moment when you are walking down an isle at Wal-Mart and spot someone you do not wanna talk to.  Suddenly you are saying to yourself ... Please don't notice me ... Please don't notice me ... Please don't notice me.  HEY!!!  How are you???  So good to see you!!!  

Tips for a good marriage ...

How to keep your wife happy:
Kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, tease her, protect her, touch her, hold her hand, open the door for her, appreciate her, text her, be kind to her, leave her love notes, listen to her, cuddle with her, smile at her, be understanding towards her, be sympathetic for her, be honest with her, do not take her for granit, make her feel safe, be patient with her, compliment her, spoil her, laugh with her, talk with her and support her.



How to keep your husband happy:
Show up naked with beer.
 
True story!!!  Just sayin!!!

Clint + Jill = True Love Always ...

The couple that fights the most ... is the one whom is most in love.  It just shows that they care enough to notice that the other one royally screwed up.  AND they care enough to mention it to the person so they can fix it.

When you stop fighting it means you stopped caring ...

See!!!!  Clint and I are just try to "fix" one another ... when we are "discussing" what they other one screwed up on. 

Kisses and Hugs, Clinton!!!

Just a little thought ...

Life didn't some with an instruction manual.  So the best thing that we could possibly do is live, laugh, and love to the best of our abilities.

Marking his territory ...

When Breeanna was in kindergarten ... she began a bad habit of sleep walking.  One time ... I could not sleep ... and just happened to be sitting in the living room when I noticed Breeanna walk to the back patio door ... open it up ... and take a step outside. 

Thank goodness I had a snoring husband that night.  Who knows where she would have ended up. 

I asked her what she was doing ... and she replied with ... going to the bathroom. 

Needless to say ... the following day ... Clint came home with extra locks for the doors.  We put them on all the doors to where she could not reach them if she tried to get out.

Breeanna no longer sleep walks ... but has turned to talking in her sleep.  She will have a full on conversation with someone ... and talk about some ODD things!  A purple horse that played with her beach ball was the topic of conversation one evening.

Breeanna has now passed the "torch of sleep walking" onto her little brother, Eythen.  And let me tell you ... I hope he passes it onto some else REALLY SOON!  Perhaps someone in his kindergarten class?  A stranger at the grocery store?  Someone on his soccer team?  The kid that is screaming at Target because he wants a candy bar and his Mom said no?  Anyone ... as long as he no longer does it.

Eythen does not just sleep walk ... the boy pees at the most random places in the middle of the night.  He "thinks" he is in the bathroom ... because if you happen to catch him peeing somewhere ... that does not have 4 walls with a toilet, sink and bathtub in it ... he will look straight at you and say, "Close the door.  I am going to the bathroom, Mommy."

I know what you are thinking right about now.  Where all has Eythen decided to pee at in the middle of the night?  Well ... let me fill you in on that ...

He has peed on the bathroom rug THREE TIMES. 

I have bought a new rug ... and then a few months later ... I bought another one. 

And now ... after last Thursday ... I will be buying another rug for the bathroom floor. 

He has decided to "tinkel" in the hall closet.

His closet.

The kitchen floor.

Next to the computer table.

And last but CERTAINLY NOT LEAST ... the foot of my bed!!!

I am begining to think that the boy is marking his territory!!!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

H.O.T. !!!

Staying inside with the AC today ... sounds SO MUCH better than loading up 3 kids, standing in line, claiming a lounge chair, unpacking the bag, setting up our "area", putting on sunscreen on 3 little bodies, being asked 97 times if they can have a snack, going down the slide with Eythen 64 times, having Breeanna and Harleigh do cannon balls directly at me 49 times, making sure no one drowns, watching someone pout as I say that it is time to go, packing up our pool stuff, loading the kids back up in the SUV, getting everything back in the house and then having to pick up the wet swimming suits and extrememly wet beach towls off the floor.

It is just to darn HOT!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Thanks for the emails ...

I just want to take a moment and thank each and every one of you for the many forwards that I get in my inbox each and every day.  I have received so many educational emails over the past several years.  I thought I would take a moment to share with you every thing that I have learned along the way.  It is amazing what one will learn ... when they simply click on that email ... open it up ... and begin to soak up all the knowledge. 



Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.


I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone ... without immediately digging for my hand sanitizer in my purse.

Eating a Little Debbie snack cake, sends me on a horrible guilt trip.  I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.


I can no longer sit my purse on the floor ... or I will have 17 years of bad luck.

I must send a special thanks to whomever sent me the email about poop being in the glue on envelopes.  Because of you ... I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.


Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.


I no longer have a savings account, because I gave it to a charity that swore up and down that every single penny that I gave them would help save the world.

I no longer have any money in my checking account either ... but I can not blame that on an email honestly. 

BUT ... the good news it ... that will soon change!  I received an email stating that I will be receiving $15,000 from Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL.  They are sending me a check because I participated in their special e-mail program.  You know the one ... all I had to do was forward their email to every person in my inbox.  You bet your bottom dollar I sent that email to everyone I knew. 

Speaking of money ... I should be getting a check for $1,456,8943,546,234.14 in the mail as well.  I got an email from a person in Singapore that said they had all of this money that they were wanting to share with me.  Am I lucky OR WHAT?!?!?! 


Lucky for me ... I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.


I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.


I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.


Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.


Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.


I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.


I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.


I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.


And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore.  The email told me that it will blow up in my face ... disfiguring me for life.  You saved me!  Thank you!


I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.


I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.


I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number ... for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan ... totaling more than what my first house cost.


Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine.  After reading the email about the big brown African spider lurking under the seat in some random person's bathroom ... no thank you!  I do not want it biting my butt and sending me in to an instant death.  I can only imagine what could have possibly happened to me if I did not open that email and read all the educational stuff that day.  WHEW!  That was a close call!


And thanks to your great advice, I will never pick up a $5 bill that was dropped in the parking lot.  Rumor has it ... it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car ... ready to grab my leg.


I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!


I also learned that if you do not send an e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, the world will suddenly burst into flames.  You do not want that on your hands ... do you?  It actually happened to a friend of mine's - next door neighbor's - ex-mother-in-law's - second husband's - cousin's - beautician.  Better remember to ALWAYS forward those emails.  The world's future is in YOUR hands.


Thanks again for the zillion educational emails that I have received through out the years.

Have a wonderful day....


Oh, by the way.....


A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.


Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late ...

An email told me that tid bit of information, too!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

I knew I was a Mom when ...

1. I automatically count the sprinkles on each of the kid’s cupcake to make sure they were equal.

2. I find myself cutting Clint's sandwiches into cute shapes ... and peeling off the crust as well.

3. I can not bear to give away any of the baby clothes – it’s so final.



4. I hear my mother’s voice coming out of my own mouth when I said, “NOT in your good clothes!”


5. I was referred to as, "Breeanna's Mom" for the very first time.


6. The first time we hired a sitter, because we had not been out - just the two of us - in ages, and I spent half the night checking on the kids and the other half talking about the kids.


7. Somedays I only have time to shave the lower half of my legs ... and even that felt like a huge accomplishment.


8. I hide in the bathroom to be alone.


9. When Harleigh threw up one time ... and I tried to catch it so it did not ruin the carpet ... that I just had steemed cleaned.

10. The very first time I used my own saliva to clean Breeanna’s face.


11. When I mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching because Harleigh had mini panic attacks when things touched.

12. When Eythen was 2 and he insisted that I read “Once Upon a Potty” out loud in the waiting room of the doctors office ...  and I did it.


13. I hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it is the only one that Harleigh will eat.


14. I donate to charities in the hope that Breeanna, Harleigh and Eythen won’t get that disease.


15. My feet stick to the kitchen floor, and somedays I just don't care.


16. The closest I get to gourmet cooking is making Rice Krispie treats.


17. I no longer object to cold pizza for breakfast.


18. My purse is crammed with emergency toys, candy and first aid supplies.


19. I can talk on the phone, pack a lunch & pull Breeanna's hair in high ponytail while tieing a bow on top ... all at once ... without blinking an eye.


20. I can spend an entire week wearing sweatpants ... and sometimes they are they same pair all 7 days.


21. I can remove chewing gum from just about anything.


22. I say at least four times a week, “I am about to loose my mind” ... but I would never trade it for anything.

23.  When I can look back at the time when it was "just Clint and me" ... and honestly say ... what in the world did we ever do without the kids in our lives???

My "Mommy" Dictionary of Meaning ...

Dumbwaiter:  One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.


Full Name:  What you call your child when you’re mad at him.


Grandparents:  The people who think your children can do no wrong.
Storeroom:  The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.



9 months:  The amount of time you have to realize that your boobs and tummy will never be the same again.
 
Hearsay:  What toddlers do when anyone says a "bad" word.


Independent:  How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we say.


Puddle:  A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry Nike shoes and new Gap jeans into it.


Timeout:  The moment that you poor yourself a glass of wine and lock yourself in the bathroom.

Show Off:  A child who is more talented than yours.


Sterilize:  What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with your own saliva.


Top Bunk:  Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.


Whodunit:  None of the kids that live in your house.


Family planning:  The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

A Poem for all the Mom's out there ...

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray my sanity to please keep.
For if some peace I do not find,
I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind.


I pray I find a little moment of quiet,
Far awat from the daily family riot.
May I lay back and not have to think
About what they're stuffing down the sink,


Or who they're with, or where they're at
And what they're doing to the cat.
I pray for some time all to myself
    ... did I just hear something fall off a shelf?


To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
    ... oh crap, is that another goldfish dead
Some silent moments for goodness sake
   ... did I seriously just hear a dish break?


And dream of the day I do not have to cook or clean
    ... well heck, a girl has got to dream
Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,


But as I look around I know,
I must have lost my mind a really long time ago!

Friday, July 16, 2010

On today's "To-Do" list ...

What was on our agenda this Friday afternoon? I will give you a hint. 

We had 30 shriveled fingers, 30 shriveled toes, goggles, beach towels, water slide, lazy river, cannon balls, tan lines ... followed by popsicles melting faster than the kids could lick them.

You guessed it ... we spent the day at the pool ... again ... just like nearly every other day this summer ... unless we had something else going on.

One exception this afternoon though!  This time ... I got clobbered on the head.  Some little chump ... who was maybe pushing 3 years old jumped ontop of my head ... as I was walking by ... in the shallow"er" end of the pool. 

No kidding! 

Seriously! 

No joke! 

That kid must have had really hard head, too! 

After it happened ... I swear I was seeing stars.  

A part of me suddenly wanted to turn into a 3 year old myself.  I wanted to go and tattle to the lifeguard.  All the while I would be sobbing uncontrobaly to where the lifeguard would not have a clue what I was saying.  All they would be able to interpert would be me touching my head ...

*sobb*  *sobb*  *sobb*

While pointing to the little chump in the pool.

Rest assure though ... I held it together.

*owie* 

I have no idea who this kid belonged to ... but these parents either have a football star on their hands ... or a future jailbird. 

Either way ... I have a headache.

Oh yeah ... after my collision in the pool ... Harleigh came up to me and said, "I am sorry that boy landed on your head."

Haa Haa ... yeah ... me, too!

No to mention ... I am utterly and completely EXHAUSTED!  I am pretty darn sure that I took Eythen down the slide 99 times today.  My legs are exhausted from going up and down ... up and down ... up and down ... up and down ... up and down the stairs to the slide today. 

At least 73 times ... I told Eythen that this was the LAST TIME I was going down the slide. 

We would get to the top ... begin our "slide" down the waterslide ... Eythen would let out a "WEEEEEE" or a "YAHOOOOOO" or a "AHHHHHHH" ... followed by giggles and clutching onto my arms that were wrapped around his waist. 

Once we would hit the large "pool" of water at the end of the waterslide ... he would giggle and laugh and say how fast we went ... followed by ... "Can we go down just ONE more time?  PUH-LEEEEEEASE."  While having his little hands in the "begging position", jumping up and down, smiling from ear to ear batting his baby blues at me.  I mean ... come on!!!  How in the world is a Mom suspose to say "No" to that one?  So ... I would reply with ... "This is the LAST TIME I am going down the waterslide."

All in all ...

3 hours later ...

99 trips down the slide ...

3 boys following Breeanna around EVERYWHERE she went ...

30 wrinkled fingers ...

30 wrinkled toes ...

3 boys following Breeanna around EVERYWHERE she went ...

soaking wet beach towls ...

a float through the lazy river
   - with 3 kiddos attached like little leaches to my floatie ...

3 boys following Breeanna around EVERYWHERE she went ...

and about a ba-zillion "CANNON BALL" hollared at me
   - with me immediately having to wipe my face from the water that just got   splashed on me
   - to see who landed where and if I needed to go and save them from their "cannon ball" dive out in the deep end ...

3 boys following Breeanna around EVERYWHERE she went ...

We had a fan-flippin-tastic afternoon! 

Isn't that what summer's are all about? 

Although ... I could live without the part of 3 boys following Breeanna around EVERYWHERE she went. 

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I need to ...

I need to put up laundry ... but what's the point when it will be back on the floor in the next few days?


I need to make the beds ... but what's the point when everyone will be crawling back in bed when the sun goes down? 


I need to dust everything ... but what's the point when I am out of dusting spray and would just have to make a trip to the store to get some? 


I need to organize the kids closets ... but what's the point when they seem to grow over night and they might need a whole new wardrobe when they wake up? 


I need to clean up the playroom (aka: secretly throw away a toy here or there) ... but what's the point because once the kids figure out what I am doing ... suddenly that is their FAVORITE toy or they have been looking EVERYWHERE for that toy or the PROMISE they will play with that toy? 



I need to clean the bathrooms ... but what's the point when globbs of toothpaste will cover the counter by night fall?

I need to clean the showers ... but what is the point because where Clint is working right now ... he comes home filthy and you would never know I just spent 45 minutes scrubbing off mildue, soap scum and dirt from the shower? 


I need to go to the grocery store ... but what's the point when I would spend $150 and still feel like I have nothing to cook once I walk in the door and unpack the sacks?


I need to balance the cheek book ... but what's the point when I already know there is nothing in it? 


I need to pick up the swimming suits, goggles and beach towels that are hanging up to dry ... but what's the point when we will use them again tomorrow when we go to the pool?

I need to vacuum the floors ... but what's the point when one of the kids suddenly think it is a brillant idea to cut itty bitty pieces of paper, while sitting in the living room floor, to make their own confetti? 


I need to sweep the floors ... but what's the point when the kids will get the playdough out and I am left with random pieces of hard playdough all over my kitchen floor? 


I need to mop the floors ... but what's the point since koolaid will be spilled immediately following the mop job?


I need to figure out what we are gonna have for dinner ... but what's the point when the kids will complain no matter what it is unless it is pizza, macoroni and cheese or chicken nuggets?

I need to do dish ... but what's the point ... they will just get dirty and be left at random places through out the day.

I need to wash the sliding glass door ...but what's the point when there will be little finger prints 10 minutes later.

*yawn*  You know what ... I think I will go and watch a LifeTime movie for the time being.  Then ... I think I will order a pizza for dinner ... swing by the store and get some paper plates ... poor myself a glass of wine ... and say screw the rest for the present time.  Sounds like the perfect plan to me!!!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The toothless smile ...

You asked for it ... so I am providing it. 

Presenting ....

Harleigh and her toothless smile!!!



Harleigh had saved her very first tooth that she lost a few months back ... and put it in the "tooth container" that the dentist gave her with these 4 teeth in it. 
Well ... it was bedtime ... but Harleigh's mouth was hurting so Clint went to go get her some ice cream at Sonic.  Suddenly she jumped up and said,
I better go get that old tooth out of the "tooth container".  I do not want the Tooth Fairy to get charged for 5 teeth.  After all ... I already got paid for one of them."

Good 'ol Harleigh Bug 

Dear ...

Dear Father Time:

You and I need to have a serious talk. Time is going way to fast for me lately. My baby is about to be 9 stinking years old next Friday. She asked for highlights, pretty clothes and a pedicure for her birthday. Huh? When did Disney Princess, Barbie Dolls and dress up clothes become a thing of the past? Come on Father Time ... slow down. Cut a Mom some slack, would ya?

From a Mom that is trying really hard not to blink ... because another year will be gone if I do



Wednesday, July 7, 2010

smile ...

The financial advisor for the toothfairy might wanna swing by the ATM on his way home from the conctruction site this evening ... the tooth fairty has ALOT of teeth that she is gonna have to pay for by morning. (hint hint Clinton) The dentist pulled 4 teeth in Harleigh's mouth today ... and all you can see are holes and gums when she smiles. Gotta love toothless smiles.

*check* ...

My goal at the beginning of the summer was to have Eythen reading before he entered kindergarten. Well ... mission complete. He just read 2 books to me this evening with no help. I guess I can finally mark something off my "summer-to-list". *check*

I do have to give props ... where props are due. My Mom sat down with him last week when they were visiting P.K. for a week and helped him along the "reading road" as well.

I am determined to go over the list of words that I have each and every day (I say that now ... and then life catches up with me ... and a week will have gone by ... and the sheet of words will have not even been touched) so he is one step ahead the first day of kindergarten.  Kindergarten? Is it really that time already for my little man to enter kindergarten? *tear fall*




Uh-Oh! 

Even at a young age ... Eythen would pick up a book and "pretend" like he was reading it to me.  It is amazing that a Disney Princess book suddenly has trains and tractors in it.

My little man.  This photo was taken during the summer that he was 2 years old.  Where oh WHERE has the time gone?  How do we go from chubby little cheeks one minute ... and the next can read and heading off to kindergarten?

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Volleyball through the years ...

Breeanna LOVES volleyball camp.  She knows that every time May rolls around ... that means that sign up for volleyball camp is quickly approaching.  She has a great time ... and enjoys it truely.  This past summer was her 4th time attending the Eudora High School volleyball camp.  As I snapped my usual photo of her on the final day of camp ... I suddenly flashed back to her cubby little pink cheeks in her blue volleyball camp shirt when she was in kindergarten.  Where does the time go?  Before I know it ... I will be flashing back to this very moment ... as she is playing her final volleyball game in highschool.  Why oh why can't I slow down the sands of time?  *sigh*

This was Breeanna's very first year of volleyball camp.  This was her kindergarten year ... and you can still see some of that sweet little baby face cubby cheeks on her.  *awww*
She even won MVP of the camp this year from the kindergarten to 2nd grade classes.  When they announced her name ... I literally about fell off the bleacher because I was not sure I heard them right.  WooHoo!!!

1st grade year in volleyball camp. 

2nd grade volleyball camp.  The baby face cheeks are starting to vanish and a young little lady is starting to form right in front of my eyes. 

And here you have it ... the up to date photo of my baby girl Breeanna.  Four years of volleyball camp ... and that means 4 years that flew by in a blink of an eye. 

Thank you for going through my little time line of "volleyball through the years" with me ... *high five Breeanna*



FYI:  Harleigh FINALLY did volleyball camp this past summer as well.  After saying she wanted to do ump-teen million different camps since preschool ... and deciding last minute she did not wanna go ... she went to the camp and had a great time.  I will post a photo of her in a differnt blog later on.