Now that Clint has a new wardrobe for his education classes ...
It is time for class to begin.
I am pretty sure when this whole "dating world" comes into play in our lives ... no one will be good enough ... in Clint's eyes ... to date one of his little girls.
No. One.
Pretty sure of that.
So when the time rolls around ...
What better way for Clint to "ween-out" the
Than ...
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, school history, job history, ancestral lineage, DMV printout, and a current medical report from your doctor.
NAME______________________
DATE OF BIRTH______________
HEIGHT_______ WEIGHT________
IQ______ GPA______
SOCIAL SECURITY #__________
DRIVERS LICENSE #_________
PARKING TICKETS? ___________
SPEEDING TICKETS? ______________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_______________
HOME ADDRESS____________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____
NUMBER OF YEARS YOUR PARENTS HAVE BEEN MARRIED? ____
IF LESS THAN YOUR AGE, EXPLAIN.
________________________________
________________________________
DO YOU OWN A VAN? __________
A TRUCK WITH OVERSIZED TIRES?_______
A WATERBED?_____________
A PICKUP WITH A MATTRESS IN THE BACK?__________
A CONDOM?_______________
PORNOGRAPHY?_______________
IF YES TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES ...
DO YOU HAVE A TONGUE RING? ______________
IF SO, DID YOU GETH THEM BEFORE OR AFTER TURNING 18?
A TATOO?_____________
IF SO, DID YOU GET THEM BEFORE OR AFTER TURNING 18? ______
IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES LATE MEAN TO YOU?
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, MEAN TO YOU?
_______________________________
_______________________________
_______________________________
_______________________________
IN 50 WORDS OR LESS, WHAT DOES ABSTINENCE MEAN TO YOU?
___________________________
___________________________
___________________________
___________________________
CHURCH YOU ATTEND: _______________________
HOW OFTEN DO YOU ATTEND: ________________
WHEN WOULD BE THE BEST TIME TO INTERVIEW YOUR:
FATHER? ______ MOTHER? ________
PRIEST? _______ PRINCIPAL? ______
PAROLE OFFICER?_____
ANSWER BY FILLING IN THE BLANK. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ANSWER FREELY. ALL ANSWERS ARE CONFIDENTIAL.
A: IF I WERE SHOT, THE LAST PLACE
I WOULD WANT SHOT WOULD BE: ________________
B: IF I WERE BEATEN, THE LAST BONE
I WOULD WANT BROKEN IS MY: _________________
C: A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE: __________
D: THE ONE THINK I HOPE THIS APPLICATION
DOES NOT ASK ME ABOUT IS: _____________
E: WHEN I FIRST MEET A GIRL, THE THING
I NOTICE FIRST ABOUT HER IS: _______________
NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue.
Leaving premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO IF YOU GROW UP? ____________
WHAT IS THE CURRENT GOING
RATE OF A HOTEL ROOM?_____________________
CONDOMS COME IN PaCKAGES OF (circle one)
A: 3
B: 6
C: 9
D: 12
E: ALL OF THE ABOVE
HOW DO YOU KNOW?____________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_______________________________________
SIGNATURE (that means sign your name, moron)
Thank you for your interest in dating my daughter. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing black shirts and white ties carrying violin cases (you might want to watch your back).
Have a nice day.
Vote for me!!!
